Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
