All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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