I can tuck mytits in my pants
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You ate ashes out of my bong
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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