I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
