I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
