I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
