Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
