Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
