1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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