Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
