She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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