i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
