dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
