he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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