Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He did a backflip because drugs
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