Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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