Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
