We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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