Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
40s are totally the cure
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
