My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
