She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize