I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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