He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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