I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
