And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
