I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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