i don't plan on having that self control this summer
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
