I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
im on a boat
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