she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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