I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
