i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
