I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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