WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
