I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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