I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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