i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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