i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
