That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We need to get me chipped asap
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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