i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
