I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize