i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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