The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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