im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
