Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
