Farmville is her only friend.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
