Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
