the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
