Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
