He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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