grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
