I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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