I'm really into asian looking animals
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize