He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
