Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i will never coherently bang her
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
