pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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