I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
