I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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