i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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