I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
