i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
