once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
