I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
