It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
