My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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