mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
