maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize