He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
