She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
