Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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