Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
