If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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